This is one of the funniest posts I’ve read in quite some time. And this really cracked me up:
The fact that they assumed my long dry spell was due to an attraction to men rather than my being a pathetic loser was rather charming. The other reasons, however, were harder for me to comprehend. Obviously, to my redneck family, homosexuality is both contagious and caused by excessive literacy.
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i went to a northern arkansas resort town last year with my girlfriend (i did not find out until later that this town was a hot spot for arkansas gay culture) anyway we went to this little pub on saint paddy’s day and i got drunk on rolling rock for 25 cents a glass and i had sent the little lady off across the bar to fetch me another beer. whie she was gone i started shooting the breeze with a local “good old boy”, asking him about the town and the fishing and the weather and what not. He seemed like an ok guy and i was sure that he was knocking boots with more thasn one of the hot local girls at the bar. i never got around to asking him who he had conquered becuase my girlfriend came back and started hissing in my ear something about he is “macking on you” of course i came to my new friends defense drunkingly demanding he tell her about every skank in the bar who has fallen pray to his mannly ways…but he was already walking off as soon as little lady haneded me a beer she said his eyes bugged out and he got apissed look on his face(i didnt see his face i was looking at the beer)
I’ve actually met Joe Carter, and he may not realize it, but I suspect his not-subtle physical resemblance to Jim Nabors might factor in to his family’s perception. 
Seriously, though, Joe and I have had our disagreements, but I found him to be quite personable, and we got along just fine and had a nice lunch, despite disagreeing about virutally every issue.
lucas:
Let me guess: Eureka Springs?
Money quote:
“To be perfectly honest, I find the male body rather revolting. Men are hairy, they smell bad, and even the most meterosexual among us are still not as hygienic as your standard-issue female. There is nothing remotely attractive about men. In fact, I can’t even take a shower with my eyes open for fear that I might catch a glimpse of my own body and get grossed out.”
I agree. Even though I think he’s a bit of a religious lunatic, he’s clearly a lovable religious nut (and not at all an anti-gay bigot).
why yes tgir. you hit the nail on the head with that one lol what gave it away
oh and i used the wrong pray (prey) and made some other typos in that post.. please dont hold that over on arkansa.. its not their fault i can not spell or type and that i butcher the english tounge.
arkansas!!!! 
That’s a funny article, pretty charming really. Though I believe his friend has it wrong–there are gay men who have a thing for straight men, so even if Joe butches it up he still may not be safe.
A religious lunatic? Eh, I can see that. But Jim Nabors!?I’ve been told I resemble Tim Curry, Lyle Lovett, the movie version of Joker from Batman, and a Picasso painting but Jim Nabors is a new one. Ouch.
No more barbeque lunches for you, my friend. ; )
Lucas:
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I was in Eureka Springs on vacation with my wife and my dogs last October. I couldn’t help but notice the rainbow flags here and there, as well as a couple of fliers posted in various places for a GLBT pride weekend that was coming up.
I was actually surprised how much I liked the place, on the whole. Incredibly dog-friendly (more than just about any place I’ve been), outdoor-friendly, biker-friendly, and gay-friendly. In other words, everyone-friendly. My kind of place. If it were three hours away instead of five or six, I’d spend a lot of weekends there.
By the way, I highly recommend Ermilio’s Italian Restaurant in Eureka Springs. You can’t get better Italian (and I mean traditional Italian — not pizzas, or hoity toity chops) without going to Chicago, Boston, or New York.
I will say this, though: The non-judgmental, welcoming vibe of the town stood as a marked contrast to that town’s biggest attraction.
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Joe:
Sorry, a duck’s a duck. 30 pounds ago, I had to put up with William Riker (aka Jonathan Frakes), so it could be worse (at least Jim Nabors could act).
thank whoever that there are more than one joe carters out there that resemble nothing like jim nabors…it is a common name…
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